Drowning
by tocourtdisaster
Summary: What did Tahiri feel after being Knighted? A missing scene from Destiny's Way. Semi-dark vignette.


Disclaimer: Star Wars and all related names and characters are the property of George Lucas. This story is purely for entertainment purposes; I am making not profit off of writing it.   
  
Water everywhere: blue soothing water, black menacing water. A gentle sea current or an intense ocean tidal wave, it didn't matter. There was still water everywhere, and it would always be there, never to be replaced. Water would always and forever cover the surface of the planet.  
  
Tahiri was drowning. Not in the water, but in what to her would be water, if she had been the planet Mon Calamari. Her water, which would always and forever cover her, was all consuming, never allowing her a moment's reprieve. Her water, dark and menacing, was her grief.  
  
Anakin had been killed months earlier, but the memory of his last few moments alive was as intense and vivid in Tahiri's mind as if it had just happen mere minutes earler. No matter how hard she tried, she was never able to forgive herself for not being there to help him, to maybe even save him.  
  
The young woman sighed. It was stiflingly hot in the ceremonial Jedi robe that she had been forced to wear. The self-important attitude radiating off all of the politicians in the room was so thick in the air that Tahiri doubted it could be cut with a lightsaber.  
  
But no matter how badly she wanted to leave, she couldn't. She was one of the guests of honor, one of the newly knighted Jedi. Being the youngest of all those being honored that day, Tahiri attracted the attention of most of the politicians at this little gathering.  
  
Politely at first, but then with increasing annoyance, Tahiri brushed off politician after politician, until they stopped coming to her, period. The few that she had been extremely rude to must have spread the word to all of their colleagues because soon, Tahiri was alone against the wall with seemingly everyone in the room shooting her dirty looks. Even Master Skywalker sent her a warning glance, telling her to play nice.  
  
Not caring anymore whether it was unseemly or not, Tahiri quickly left the reception hall in favor of the cooler corridors. As soon as the young woman was out from under the watchful eyes of the dozen of politician present at the reception, she stripped off her Jedi robe, reveling in the sensation of cool air against the bare flesh of her arms and legs. She dumped her robe on the floor against the wall, and set off, her feet making a whisper of a sound against the deck plating.  
  
Aimlessly, Tahiri wandered the twisted, organic-like corridors of the Mon Cal floating city. Every once in a while, she would pass a Mon Cal or Quarren, the latter of whilch would stare at her suspiciously before moving on. Tahiri ignored these looks, and continued to delve ever deeper into the heart of the city. Never once did she spare any of these beings a second glance. If you've seen one Mon Cal or Quarren, you've seen them all, so why waste energy looking at them all?  
  
Feeling compelled to enter a certain room, Tahiri keyed open a door and froze as her breath left her. She had entered some sort of observation nook, which was comprised of a crystal-clear transparisteel bubble. The total vastness and splendor of the ocean world overwhelmed Tahiri, when seen from this room. It was as if she were in the middle of the ocean, all alone, just the ocean creatures and her. The rest of the floating city disappeared, leaving Tahiri alone in the ocean.  
  
At first, a sense of freedom made her feel as if she were floating, free of all her cares and grief. It was as if seeing the physical water like this was washing away her water, her grief. For just a moment, she was whole again, happy almost. She didn't forget Anakin, but it just didn't hurt, for just one moment in time. She felt like she hadn't felt since she was a little child, with her real parents, on Tatooine. She felt perfectly safe.  
  
But then the ocean's darkness began to encroach upon her consciousness. Suddenly, it seemed as if all of the ocean's predators surrounded the observation nook, ready to take a piece of Tahiri for themselves. Her pain and grief returned, ten times worse than before. Her grief was causing her physical pain, bending her over double. She felt vulnerable, scared. She was drowning in her pain.  
  
All of the sudden, the ocean around the nook began to turn a gold color, as if a flame had been lit in Tahiri. As the ocean lightened, Tahiri's pain began to lessen, until her pain was gone and the ocean was a blindingly gold color that she couldn't bare look at. It was like she was in the center of a sun, it was so bright.  
  
Squeezing her eyes shut, Tahiri wished that the ocean would go back to normal, that she would go back to normal. The young Jedi crouched down on the floor, holding her head in her hands, wanting only for the light to disappear. With a rumble felt more than heard, the light behind her eyes disappeared.  
  
Opening her eyes hesitantly, Tahiri was greeted with a sight that she had thought she would never see again. Anakin was standing above her, transparent and blue, looking down at her, a gentle smile gracing his features. Too stunned to move, Tahiri just remained crouching.  
  
Anakin said nothing, but just stared at her for a few long moments. His gaze communicated his love for her, his sadness at being apart, his grief because of her pain. His gaze told her to finish her grieving, to move on, to allow herself to love again.  
  
Slowly, he began to fade away, seeming to disappear into the very ocean. Finally regaining her wits, Tahiri lunged at Anakin, hoping to be able to keep him there through sheer force of will. But as her hand reached where he had been standing, he completely disappeared. There was no sign that he had ever been there.  
  
For a long moment, Tahiri lay where she had fallen, her face pressed against the transparisteel. She stared out into the depths of the Mon Calamari ocean, striving to keep her tears from falling. Anakin had visited her, but had not seemed fit to grace her ears once more with his voice. She could kick him if he weren't dead and gone forever now.  
  
Tahiri opened her eyes. There was water everywhere: dark, menacing water, forever covering the surface of Mon Calamari. She was drowning, not in the water, but in her all consuming, forever expanding, grief. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't break the surface and draw a breath. She was, and would forever be, drowning. 


End file.
